I just noticed today that the best way to deal with cancer is pretend nothing is wrong, well at least for me. I make that choice because anger self pitty, shit like that doesnt work.. But If I pretend I'm just doing this for kicks, then hell I might make it through it. When I see children going through as young as 8, and 7, and 6 that have to deal with what I'm dealing with I get overwhelmed with what the fuck is wrong with society with this fucking world, that this can affect the innocent. I know I'm not innocent, Im not saying I deserve cancer, but I always knew it would happen to me, but when I was like 8 I didnt know wtf cancer was. And I cant help but have the effect me deeply. I take this with all the humor i can, with all the 'good spirits' i can but there has got to be a time where I can punch a god damn fucking wall and say "what the fuck, you stupid mother fucker, why the fuck do i have this. why me, why couldnt it be me 50 years from now, 40 years, 20 years 10 years, why the fuck me why the fuck now" But I cant. I have to stay the strong sober type and shovel through this fucking bullshit we call life. I mean jesus christ, I'm 28 Years old and was told by a doctor, that this cancer will end up killing me one day, this cancer has no cure, that remission is not a cure. How the fuck can someone handle that and not flip the fuck out, I dont know. I am super emotional and annoyed today because of the treatment yday and I am miserable as hell. and What even pisses me off more is I see how people bitch and complain about how they stubbed a toe today, or how they hate their job, or they have to get a filling and it just pisses me off, cause I just want to tell those motherfuckers you got it easy, you have no fucking idea how easy you have it, you are one lucky fucking person if the only thing you have to worry about in your day is you hate your job, or you stubbed your fucking toe, you are one lucky son of a bitch..
well sorry about the tone. but what can you do..
Thanks again..
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