Been two months

Well its been two months since my last post, and one month since i started work. Work is not good for my health Im concerned, the stress, the worry, the fact that I am extremely uncomfortable when Im there is terrible. But hey, if they know Im uncomfortable Im gonna get fired. Well at least thats what they told me. I am slowly recovering, having a lot of tingling in my hands and feet, almost feel like spiders crawling on me all the time, just might go nuts. Im just focused on a few things with my main focus on recovering and getting the fuck healthy again. I was told today I have one of the best attitudes that someone has seen from a cancer patient which felt good.


Oh by the way, I gotta plan for work, just takes time, just takes time.

Question..

I'm just curious... click here and if it says 24.29.195.65, and you use a mac, an ipad and windows pc please comment, I'm curious of your extreme interest in my blog, maybe i can explain and help you out.

Denial-- The Best Way to Deal

I just noticed today that the best way to deal with cancer is pretend nothing is wrong, well at least for me. I make that choice because anger self pitty, shit like that doesnt work.. But If I pretend I'm just doing this for kicks, then hell I might make it through it. When I see children going through as young as 8, and 7, and 6 that have to deal with what I'm dealing with I get overwhelmed with what the fuck is wrong with society with this fucking world, that this can affect the innocent. I know I'm not innocent, Im not saying I deserve cancer, but I always knew it would happen to me, but when I was like 8 I didnt know wtf cancer was. And I cant help but have the effect me deeply. I take this with all the humor i can, with all the 'good spirits' i can but there has got to be a time where I can punch a god damn fucking wall and say "what the fuck, you stupid mother fucker, why the fuck do i have this. why me, why couldnt it be me 50 years from now, 40 years, 20 years 10 years, why the fuck me why the fuck now" But I cant. I have to stay the strong sober type and shovel through this fucking bullshit we call life. I mean jesus christ, I'm 28 Years old and was told by a doctor, that this cancer will end up killing me one day, this cancer has no cure, that remission is not a cure. How the fuck can someone handle that and not flip the fuck out, I dont know. I am super emotional and annoyed today because of the treatment yday and I am miserable as hell. and What even pisses me off more is I see how people bitch and complain about how they stubbed a toe today, or how they hate their job, or they have to get a filling and it just pisses me off, cause I just want to tell those motherfuckers you got it easy, you have no fucking idea how easy you have it, you are one lucky fucking person if the only thing you have to worry about in your day is you hate your job, or you stubbed your fucking toe, you are one lucky son of a bitch..


well sorry about the tone. but what can you do..


Thanks again..

Holy Shit its been a month

And what a month has it been. The status on my cancer has been so so.. but I have two chemos left and a ct and bone marrow biopsy and hopefully Im done for atleast a while. Im sitting outside and tend to think my bald head sweats more then one with hair but that might be impossible. Im very anxious to go back to work, its might be causing more nausea then the chemo actually. Its just an environment well lets not get into that here.

But so far to say, the final amount of my eyebrows left me. Everything is leaving me lately lol.. and My sanity will no doubt be next. Im still dealing with the swelling in my leg due to the fact that the took a lymphnode out. i would have much rather left it in and fucked it up with chemo then took it out and deal with that side effect. But I will start putting more time away for writing more, I want to write about my transition from treatment back to reality and see how that goes. but thats over a month away.

Ive noticed the more shows I watch effect(affect? no its effect) my mood.. I was watch the full run of the sopranos and was getting town, almost needed to talk to dr melfi myself, then i started watching the wire, and wanted to be a cop lol, now I started watching Larry David in curb your enthusiasm, and im thinking, holy shit I act like this... I need some money so i can walk around doing what he does all day.

But this is just a short update...


again sorry for the delay...and the typos I said fuck editing this time lol..


Dan


P.S. I hate bugs, and I've never put off on my head before... yup there went my sanity

Ok.. My week coming up and the bone marrow biospy info

Its been about 6 days or so since I posted, I have a lot coming to me in the next couple weeks , I have a CT scan where the roll me in and out of a huge donut looking thing to see if my lymph nodes are responding to the treatment. For that I start fasting on thursday and the only think i can drink is something that taste's like liquified chalk. Yummy. The procedure is about 10-15 mins, no pain whatsoever so thats nice. On that point I goto chemo on tuesday, early, most likely because of easter, YAY.


Ive had a lot of questions come from you people about my experience from my Bone Marrow Biopsy, So I will go into that right here... First of all it was the most pain I have ever been in, in my life I guess the technical term for what happened to be was a Bone marrow Biopsy and Aspiration. They number to portions of my back on either side of the spine... (well tried to numb LOL) and stuck a nice long needle down into my back until the got to the bone, then they took a another needle a little smaller with an opening the middle and took part of the hard bone marrow, the best way I could describe this they took a cork out of a wine bottle, like a tiny cork of bone marrow, did that on both sides. They the took a huge needle then stuck it in the bone past the hard marrow into the liquid marrow, and started sucking the liquid marrow out. QUITE uncomfortable, you feel like every bone in your body or aleast around there is going to implode. Its definitely a "sucking" feeling.




oh and Ive added Sponsored Links (ads), over there to the top right, trying to see if this can help anyway to the dan cause, maybe maybe not...


If the links are annoying or anything let me know i will removed them, if you want browse through em and see if you like any of them and take a look.


Please watch this at your own risk, its pretty much the same thing I went to... :(

Another Day, another headache

Its been a while since I posted. Lately the steroids have been keeping me up all the time, day and night, finally got about 5 hours of sleep last night which is more then I have had total since friday. I'm having a hard time focusing and keeping a cool head. Along with the increasing bone pain I have in my back and my legs I am getting hard pressed to control my emotions. I'm getting aggravated at little things and getting stupid thoughts in my head. Its gonna be a tough week, but hopefully once this set of steroids is over I go back to normal, or well almost normal. Instead of staring at the ceiling and wishing i was asleep and this pain would go away, maybe it will. only 2 more days of steroids.

My New Anti-Nausea Drug

I have been great lately, besides some bouts and some leg pain Im feeling, awesome. Besides having to sleep every two hours for 4 or something like that its kinda draining, I do have chemo this Friday and normally I'm super nervous , but my feelings are focused on one thing, and I cant stop focusing on them, its great though. and she knows what she does... but tomorrow i will post more about whats going to happen on Friday, and have some better videos, and I still have not forgot about the post about the bone marrow biopsy and aspiration ..... so that will come today.